I have been thinking about how girls view the world.
I, guess, I kind of always think about this. I am a girl after all. And I have a (not so) little girl so I guess, it makes sense that I would.
I think that is why this book bothers me (not that I have read it. I have only heard the author speak a few times on NPR and what ever else I heard it on.).
"A researcher told me that when she asks teenage girls how a sexual experience felt to them they respond by telling her how they think they looked."
How they looked? They could not tell her how they felt even when asked again.
Which makes me wonder, Do I feel by my appearance?
I've been sitting here for awhile trying to figure out my comment. That poem is fantastic. I know that I definitely assume people like/don't like me according to my looks. I don't assume that about other women, other people. I know that so much cultural socialization contributes to this self-image. I don't know how to change things. I don't know how to express this to men, even kind men with good hearts. I just "know" I'd better look good or I won't be considered valuable by others.
ReplyDeleteYes! Erno, well said. I often think about ornithology/Darwin/ Sexual selection when I dress up. I don't feel we should fight it or change it but, I do think we should be aware of it. To dress the part, of course, when needed but, to not let it control our lives, our feelings, and our relationships.
ReplyDeletePersonality and parents really make a difference in this area I think. I grew up poor and was in a new school almost every year growing up. I got used to being the odd man out. At the time I felt I had such a terrible hardship, but I slowly came to see that my life experiences, though slightly hard, help shape me into a confident person. It helped that I have a happy personality, but the experiences forced me to find other ways to define myself than fashion, looks, friends, etc.
ReplyDeleteI have found that it was easier finding my own way than helping in the role of a parent. When Nadine was young she was going to be her own person no matter what. If she wanted to wear a bike helmet every where with stripes and polka dots, she did. Then she started to care how others perceived her and her hair and outfit had to be just right before she left the house. She also had some experiences that forced her to face that she's got to like herself regardless of others, and she's more secure now. I see a compassion in her for those suffering, and I know she'll be okay.
The subject of image is like everything in life I suppose: you gotta face it; feel it; and figure it out; but things can turn out just fine.
Regarding ornithology/sexual selection I've also always wondered about that, but I've always wondered how humans ended up backwards. In most species the boys get all 'prettied' up, with their long tails, or big horns or whatever and strut around, and the girls get to pick which one is prettiest. In humans it seems the girls get all 'prettied' up with their long hair, or big lips or whatever and the boys get to pick which one is prettiest. What's up with that?
ReplyDeleteI was intrigued by this book as well. Growing up I never considered myself pretty, but at the same time thought if I had the right know-how (aka a make over by someone who knows what they are doing) I could be pretty. I try very hard not to over think things, because as the poem said it's not me.
I love how much wordage this post caused!
ReplyDeleteTink: I read a book that defined the psychology of girls. It was based on the "mean girl", her followers, ect. I had you pegged a long time ago as the girl (can not remember the names of the groups) that bounces between the groups of girls and did not let the mental games and such affect her. Its the most healthy of the stereotypes. I envy this.
Beth: The bird comparison is awesome. I have seen some man strut going on though. Even if we still have the role of getting all dolled up. The men still do their thing. Go to a bar. You will see it.
And as far as being hot? You know you got it girl! :) I like to think that I can be hot if I want too but, its certainly not an everyday thing. I have better things to do with myself and honestly, I prefer to beautify my mind than my body.
Thanks Angie. Your comment meant a lot to me. I was the girl that float between groups. I liked thinking that I was my own group who got to visit wherever I felt like. You've been doing some great posts lately. Keep it up!
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